Potty talk is in full swing at our house. We talk pee. We talk poop. We rejoice over every secretion that doesn’t soak Austin’s pants or land on the floor. We proudly clap as he literally shows us his latest drop off in the potty. It’s amazing how dull I have become to such disgusting discussion. And, that’s parenthood.
But, nothing quite prepared me for the new public embarrassment of potty training. When you introduce pee pee and poo poo into a toddler boy’s vocabulary, there is no filter on their mouth. And, the moment you frown at their potty talk, well, you’ve just fueled the fire. Let me replay our recent trip to the store.
As I push the boys in the basket through the store,
“Do tigers go poo poo?”
“Do Tiggers go poo poo?”
“Do birds go poo poo?”
“Do cars go poo poo?”
“Cars do go poo poo.”
“Huh, okay then.”
“Does Everett go poo poo?”
“Do you go poo poo?”
“Does he go poo poo?” pointing straight to a man within earshot.
“Uh huhhh..” as we quickly turn down the nearest aisle.
“Do dogs go poo poo?”
I pause in silence trying to rack my brain as to why I am actually in this store. Funny. All I can seem to think about are body fluids. Yuck.
“Momma. Momma. MOMMA. Do dogs go poo poooo?”
“YES. Dogs go poo poo, too.”
He giggles, and, then, is distracted by a shiny object. Thank goodness for a toddler’s attention span. This buys me about five minutes to finish our trip. I wrap things up and proceed to check out, where, of course, there is a mile-long line. We wait, and I mentally go through my to-do list for the day. During this time, Austin has begun singing.
“Bye bye pee peeeeee. Bye bye pooooop. Bye bye pee pee. Bye bye pooop.”
To be honest, I’m pretty sure he was several choruses in before I really paid attention to what he was singing. By this point, we had quite the mixed audience of chuckles and disapproving glances. Oops.
We reach the cashier, and Austin is mesmerized by the candy. Awesome. One child distracted. Now, I just have to play keep away with my credit cards from Everett in the basket. I begin paying, and, out of nowhere, Austin is standing next to me. He proudly tells the cashier how he went poop in the potty. She nods awkwardly. And, then, Austin announces with no less pride that Momma also went poop. Fantastic.
TMI, Austin. Too. Much. Information.